I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
