you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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