i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
