I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
