either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
