I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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