I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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