So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
