he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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