That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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