Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
