life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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