Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
