wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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