who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
