maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
