$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
