Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
