By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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