my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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