Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
