i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
