Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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