I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
