at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
