i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
