end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
