stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
