It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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