"it" just moved
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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