let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Operation Purity has been aborted
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
