If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
