I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
