Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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