Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
