you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
