I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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