he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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