and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
