So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
