I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
