But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
