ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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