I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
