Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
