your parents love me but you hate me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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