I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
