You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
