I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
