My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
