did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
