yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
