He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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