You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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