He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
